Breaking Free from Phone Addiction: A 3-Step to Emotional Intelligence Guide to Stop Scrolling and Start Connecting

Follow this simple emotional intelligence framework to be more intentional about screen time

by Michael Miller

I have two young girls, a 1-year-old and soon to be 4-year old. I love them to no end, but when they finally go to bed, I’m unbelievably tired. Exhausted. Drained to the last drop. So when I sit down to enjoy my phone for *just a minute,* I tell myself I deserve it. I kick my feet up and start scrolling.

But it keeps going, and going, until suddenly it’s been an hour – or let’s be honest, two hours or more. Sound familiar?

I know I’m guilty, and research suggests it’s a widespread problem. As we all know, the apps are engineered to support our endless scrolling and watching. And it works. The average person spends over four hours a day on their phone – that’s a full day each week! Do you know how many weeks per year that is? That number somehow troubled me even more. Read on for that.

In this post, I want to share actionable tips for breaking free from phone addiction and managing screen time with emotional intelligence. Like with many habits, it’s nearly impossible to change without understanding the emotional underpinnings driving the behavior. This simple 3-step process helps me recognize those feelings and tap into the deeper motivation to make better choices.

How Much Time Are You Really Spending on Your Phone? The Answer Might Shock You

How bad is the problem? Really, really bad. Recent data reveals that the average person spends approximately 4 hours and 37 minutes on their phone each day. This equates to over one full day per week, or six days per month, dedicated solely to phone usage. That means the average person spends over 10 weeks a year staring at a screen! TEN weeks! While the numbers vary for everyone, it’s safe to say a significant portion of our waking hours is consumed by screens.

The younger generation is not immune to this trend. In fact, the data is even worse. Children aged 8 to 10 spend an average of six hours per day in front of screens, while those aged 11 to 14 average nine hours daily. This extensive screen time has been linked to various negative outcomes, including obesity, irregular sleep patterns, behavioral problems, and impaired academic performance.

And that is only the beginning of the costs of smartphone use.

The Hidden Costs of Smartphone Overuse (and How to Fix It)

What are the psychological effects of excessive smartphone use?

Excessive smartphone use has been linked to:

• anxiety
• depression
• decreased attention span
• lower productivity
• cognitive decline over time
• weakened real-world social interactions

And on that point, we may be just beginning to see the widespread negative impact on society. Here’s what we know: 

All over the world, loneliness is on the rise and well-being is in retreat. A Meta-Gallup survey spanning over 140 countries found that 24% of individuals aged 15 and above reported feeling very or fairly lonely, translating to more than a billion people worldwide (Gallup, 2024). Notably, young adults aged 19 to 29 reported the highest rates, with 27% experiencing loneliness, while older adults aged 65 and above had the lowest rate at 17%. Global loneliness trends by age group appear to mirror smartphone usage trends, particularly among young adults. Younger populations report the highest levels of loneliness, and they also spend the most time on screens daily. That doesn’t appear to be a coincidence.

In fact, multiple studies have explicitly found a positive correlation between excessive smartphone use and loneliness, particularly among adolescents and young adults (Nature, 2024;Pediatric Nursing, 2024). Adolescents with higher smartphone addiction scores also had significantly higher loneliness and depression levels, indicating that excessive screen time may exacerbate emotional distress and social isolation.

The widespread impacts of smartphone use show up in mental health data worldwide. Global wellbeing and emotional intelligence scores have fallen more than 5% since 2019, according to the world’s largest study of emotional intelligence.

To be clear, I am not, and this point isn’t meant to be, anti-smartphone. Smartphones have revolutionized the way we communicate, work, and entertain ourselves. They provide instant access to information, connect us with loved ones across the globe, and offer endless avenues for productivity and creativity. However, just because a tool has positive attributes doesn’t mean we are using it positively and intentionally. In fact, there’s plenty of evidence right now that we’re not, individually and collectively.

That’s where the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence comes in, and especially these three questions that I ask myself. Let’s call it a smartphone scroll litmus test.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our free Practicing EQ eBook. These evidence-based exercises will not only enhance your ability to understand and work with your emotions, but will also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students or employees.

How to Break Free from Doomscrolling: 3 Emotional Intelligence Questions to Instantly Reduce Your Screen Time

So how do we break free? One tool I’ve found incredibly useful comes from the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence, a process framework designed to help individuals become more aware, intentional, and purposeful in their actions. This model comprises three key pursuits:

1. What am I feeling? Instead of reaching for my phone on autopilot—or once I already have but remember to put it down for a second—I pause and check in with my emotions. Am I bored? Anxious? Avoiding something? Smartphones help us numb and score cheap endorphins, but what am I feeling? This insight is valuable.

2. What options do I have? I remind myself that scrolling isn’t my only choice, or at least endless scrolling isn’t. I love lists, so it helps me to jot down a quick list of all the things I could be doing. I intentionally try to write down a wide range of ideas, even if some of them sound horrible and I have no intention to do them (looking at you, wash dishes). But the whole process helps me remember that I have the choice, the agency. Here’s a typical list for me, in the post-bedtime example:

• Scroll endlessly

• Keep scrolling but hard stop at 8:45pm

• Wash dishes

• Take 5 minutes to stretch

• Send a text to a couple friends checking in on them

• Play Rose, Bud, Thorn with Maria

• Read a book

Often, just making the list clarifies for me that I want to be doing something else. But the last step of this process is what makes it so compelling for me.

3. What do I truly want? This is the big one. This is about connecting our every day actions to the bigger picture. Our deeper values. What do I truly want? For me, relationships are the most important thing in my life. So when I’m questioning my scrolling habits, I come back to my core value of building amazing relationships. A nice exit ramp off social media for me is actually using my phone to text or call loved ones and check in. 

By applying these emotional intelligence questions, I’ve checked in with myself, remembered I have options, and intentionally chose an option more aligned with my values.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

FAQ Section

What is the best way to stop doomscrolling?

The best way to stop doomscrolling is to develop emotional awareness around your habits, set intentional screen time limits, and use a framework like the Six Seconds Model to check in with your feelings, choices, and deeper intentions.

How much screen time is too much for adults and kids?

Experts recommend that adults keep screen time under 2 hours per day for recreational use. For kids, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests limiting screen time to 1-2 hours per day, especially for younger children.

What are the psychological effects of excessive smartphone use?

Excessive smartphone use has been linked to anxiety, depression, decreased attention span, lower productivity, and cognitive decline over time. It also negatively impacts real-world social interactions and deep focus.

How can I use emotional intelligence to reduce my phone addiction?

Using an emotional intelligence framework like the Six Seconds Model helps you recognize emotional triggers, consider alternative actions, and align your behavior with your deeper values, making it easier to reduce dependency on your phone.

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